


Hello, Death, My Old Friend

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Mummy Wanted a Girl [2]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: I have an obsession, Martin is a Holmes, Q is a Holmes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 15:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2472818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?" ~ Jodi Picoult</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello, Death, My Old Friend

**Author's Note:**

> I currently have a massive obsession with Martin being Sherrinford Holmes, and being Sherlock's twin. I also have a massive obsession with Q being the youngest of the Holmes children. :) 
> 
> Tearfest!

**_2012_ **

Fake deaths aren’t anything new to the Holmes clan, not anything new at all.

* * *

**_1993_ **

Mycroft begins the habit. He’s 22 and he is bleeding out in the back of some godforsaken van in Moscow. When he wakes up, he is in a safe house and 009 is telling him they can’t go home until the targets are eliminated, 009 is telling him they’re both dead as far as the world is concerned.

Sherlock and Sherrinford are 15, Lysander is nine and their mother sits them down in the study and tells them Mycroft isn’t coming home. Sherlock decides this simply isn’t true and deletes the conversation. Sherrinford throws himself into his studies and the voice in his mind that berates him for driving himself to exhaustion is Mycroft’s. Lysander is old enough to understand what death is, but young enough to get away with believing Mycroft isn’t dead. Lysander decides Mycroft is merely lost and cannot find his way home, Lysander builds him a compass that, instead of pointing north, points towards home. He reasons he will give Mycroft the compass when his brother finally finds his way home so that he will never be lost again.

* * *

**_1994_ **

Mycroft spends the year going from country to country, safe house to safe house, and alias to alias as he and 009 seek out and destroy their targets. He doesn’t let himself think of home.

Mycroft has quickly become the voice in Sherrinford’s head. Not in any ‘the voices made me do it’ kind of way, but rather, Mycroft’s is the voice Sherrinford hears when he’s trying to figure out what to do with himself. Sherrinford has accepted Mycroft is gone and he remembers Mycroft in the only way he can, by letting Mycroft continue to be the one he seeks advice from when he’s lost

The weight of denial takes its toll on Sherlock and Lysander. Lysander withdraws himself, and quietly (and very secretly) throws himself into weapons building. He’s startlingly good at it, especially considering he’s ten. It doesn’t dull the ache he feels in his chest, but it is a start.

Sherlock slides into the second stage of grief, and his anger consumes him. He creates a giant room in his mind palace and dedicates it entirely to Mycroft. He throws everything he ever knew about Mycroft into this room and locks the door. He deletes the key.

Sherlock has always been the eldest Holmes child.

* * *

**_1995_ **

Mycroft comes back to life in an anticlimactic battle in a warehouse in America. 009 is the one who takes the killing shot, and all Mycroft can think of is going home. He is heartbroken when he returns home to find Sherlock has deleted him.

Sherrinford is angry for a very long time, he understands Mycroft’s reasoning, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still feel betrayed. He starts ignoring the voice in his head, and pays for it dearly countless times.

Lysander is a bubble of energy, showing Mycroft all the new weapons he’s created, and shoving the compass that always points home into Mycroft’s hands. He wants to ask Mycroft to never get lost again, but he knows Mycroft won’t make a promise he can’t keep.

Sherlock is still angry. He has been angry for a long time now and he doesn’t know why. Mycroft’s return does nothing to quell the anger he feels in his heart. He starts rebuilding the key to Mycroft’s room, and doesn’t know why he hopes it’ll still fit.

* * *

**_1998_ **

Sherlock picks up the habit when he and Sherrinford are 20. They’ve been out in the field for two years, and they’ve earned their licenses to kill. The mission is botched from the start but they don’t know that until Sherlock is lying prone on the ground. It is 0010 who swoops in and takes him to safety. Fortunately for Sherlock, the poison is neutralized quickly, and it only takes six months for the targets to be eliminated. Sherlock returns to his life. He hopes never to repeat the experience.

Sherrinford doesn’t find out about his little stint until he returns from an eight month assignment in Russia. He’s not happy.

Mycroft decides he’s not going to believe anyone in his family is dead until he sees their body. He doesn’t think his heart will ever heal, no matter that Sherlock is alive again.

Lysander decides he’s going to be Quartermaster of MI6 when he grows up. Maybe then he’ll be able to stop his brothers from dying.

* * *

**_2004_ **

Sherrinford takes up the habit when he and Sherlock are 26. He is done. He wants a new start. A complete new start. He gives up the shadows for the skies. Sherrinford Holmes dies in a horrific plane crash, the man 005 rushes from the wreckage is Martin Crieff. Mummy and Daddy Holmes are the only ones informed of Sherrinford’s continued existence.

Sherlock decides he’s done. He leaves the service and throws himself into the cruel embrace of the streets, and the all-consuming bliss only drugs can bring. He learnt a long time ago not to delete his siblings.

Lysander is furious. He still has at least one year to go before he can be accepted by MI6, and his brother is dead. He’s so over being left behind.

Mycroft is fairly certain Sherrinford is alive. They would not let him see the body, claiming the body was so badly destroyed they got identification through the dental work. Mycroft wasn’t one of the best 00 agents MI6 ever had for nothing. The entire situation screams ‘lies’ and Mycroft can’t help but feel suspicious.

* * *

**_2008_ **

Daddy accidentally lets slip at dinner that Sherrinford is alive. Lysander _screams_ , throws down his cutlery and storms from the room, in his bedroom he hugs himself as tightly as possible and asks why he’s so easy to leave behind, why he’s so easy to forget, why he’s so easy to betray. Mycroft smugly congratulates himself on not being fooled. Sherlock creates a very big room in his mind palace and locks _everything_ about Sherrinford away inside. He deletes the key and forgets how to find his way to the room.

Sherlock was never a twin. And even if that is a lie, Sherrinford threw him away first.

* * *

**_2012_ **

It’s a big year for the Holmes family. It starts with Sherlock, 34, throwing himself off the roof of St Bart’s hospital. Mycroft identifies the body and his heart breaks in his chest. Lysander questions why he’s still unable to save his brothers. Sherrinford makes an appearance for the funeral, he doesn’t stay long.

Months later, Vauxhall Cross is bombed. Lysander Holmes dies in the blast, or so MI6 says anyway. When he wakes up, everyone is calling him Q, he doesn’t have the energy to ask why as he slips under again. The next time he wakes, Sherlock is leaning over him, Q opens his mouth to scream but no sound comes out, he doesn’t know why. Sherlock smiles lightly at him and vanishes out the door. Later, Q doesn’t know whether he hallucinated his brother or not, but he can’t help but swallow down the pain in his chest. Left behind again.

Fake deaths aren’t anything new to the Holmes clan, not anything new at all. Q knows by now that no matter how many times it happens, he’ll still let himself be fooled. It’s time to cut his losses. He lets his family know he is alive and then promptly severs all ties with them. The best agents are orphans after all.


End file.
